No, not that one. The other one. The one that threatened not to let me graduate…four months after I, um, graduated.
I was poking around online to see how truly horrific the Pittsburgh Public Schools website is (and oh, ladies and gentlemen, it is) and saw Brashear’s page.
There’s nothing quite so satisfying as seeing your high school’s web page falsely attribute the school’s motto to the famous astronomer for which the school’s named.
The motto? “We have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.” Lovely sentiment, but Brashear didn’t say that. Sarah Williams did in her 1868 poem, “The Old Astronomer to His Pupil.”
BAM. You’ve been SERVED, Reginella. English style.
This means that whoever is in charge of maintaining that page has yet to grasp the complexities of Google. I mean, it’s not like the information’s not available.
Do you know what this means?
My high school’s info page is officially less reliable than a website on Tripod, the favorite domain of anyone using the internet…in 1996.
Clearly, what I’m saying here is nyah, nyah, I’m smarter than my high school, take THAT, Mr. Geller and 10th grade World Cultures!
I wanted to put together a post acknowledging the fact that last week kicked off New Student Orientation. Seeing as though I am officially an Old Student who no longer matters to the ebb and flow of academia on campus, I wanted to make a list of all the knowledge that I have that might be useful to incoming freshmen. All and all, it’s largely unsuccessful and incomplete, but here it is anyway, vacillating sentiments of misty-eyed sincerity and bitter resentment and all.
Wisdom I Wish I Could Pass on to the New Freshmen
Vague, Schmaltzy Advice
- The person you are on this first day of class will not make it through September, let alone your freshman year.
- Most of the time, you won’t miss who you were before you got here.
- No matter what everyone else says, you’re allowed to be homesick. Even if it lasts all semester.
- Don’t worry so much.
- You will become so much cooler than you ever thought you’d be in your time here (well, most of you, anyway).
Practical, Davidson-Specific Advice
- For the love of God, get thee to the Writing Center, post haste.
- Never buy Coke from the Union Cafe. The pop machines by the pool tables sell the same bottles for a quarter cheaper and are overall fizzier.
- You can buy movie tickets for the AMC Theater at Exit 36 at the Ticket Office for, like, way cheap. Buy early and save a bunch.
- Go to Big Bite’z at Exit 28 and get one of those punchy card things. And get to punchin’, because they’ve got the best gyros ever.
- Same goes for the Number 1 China Buffett at Exit 28. It’s EPIC.
- E-mail your professor and ask for a syllabus early so you can order your books used from Amazon.com or abebooks.com. Also, sell your textbooks online, since you’ll always get more money for them then you will trading them in at the bookstore.
- Get a library card at the Davidson Public Library immediately.
- Speaking of libraries, make friends with all the librarians and staff over at the college library. They’re one of the best kept secrets on campus.
- Commons food is awesome–and ever so much better than it was when I was a freshman–so don’t let anyone convince you differently.
- Funny thing: class isn’t a one-on-one conversation between you and your professor. So don’t mumble your responses to the lecture and have unspeakably focused eye contact with the prof, mmmkay?
Hard-Earned Knowledge from Recent Graduates
- Just break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend from home now. It’ll save you a whole lot of problems later, not to mention a couple of plane tickets.
- Along those same lines: you will stop keeping in touch with your friends from high school. It’s a sad, true fact. In fact, you will begin to notice yourself recasting the roles of your friends from home with new friends. Just don’t verbalize that to friends from home; they won’t appreciate it.
- You are going to be followed around by at least one really, really weird kid. Assume an attitude of polite indifference and it should pass. Should.
- You will retain about 5% of the friends you make your freshman year. You’ll make most of your permanent friends sophomore and junior year.
- Don’t attempt to have the D.T.R. (Define The Relationship, for the uninitiated) discussion too early in a potential relationship. It’s a proven scientific fact that men and women between the ages of 18 and 22 are sketchy as hell and will bolt in the opposite direction.
- The best and most important thing you’ll learn freshman year is that no, your professors don’t expect you to read everything. They expect you to prioritize and get some sleep, asshats.
Earlier this week, the blessed cable gods bestowed upon my condo a billion and one reasons for me to never finish my book club book for this month. This afternoon, R.R.* and I were fortunate enough to catch part of Independence Day–we cut in as Will Smith welcomed that alien to Earth in a way only Will Smith could.
I am completely comfortable with saying that Independence Day is one of the greatest movies ever made. Which is why it pains me so to expose the movie’s single flaw.**
Randy Quaid, the less genetically-blessed Quaid brother, plays an alcoholic Vietnam vet who believes he was abducted by aliens and kind of loves his kids. Until the end of the movie–which I’ll refrain from spoiling for those of you living backwards through time and haven’t quite made it to 1996 yet–this is basically his entire characterization. Also, he’s a crop duster. Which is actually pretty cool despite what Adam Baldwin thinks.
Anyway, when Randy volunteers to kick ass and take names on ID4, he mentions he has personal biddness with the aliens and is eager to avenge all the probing that went on after ‘nam. And for SOME REASON, the cameras pan over to some pilot-y guys who roll their eyes and scoff, and Adam Baldwin kind of blows him off because he’s a nutjob in a trailer who smells like booze and feet.
What?! Aliens have just destroyed all the major cities on Earth. Doom is basically as impending as it’s going to get. And we have people being skeptical about Randy Quaid’s ability to participate in a suicide mission because he claims to have been abducted by aliens while spaceships are poking out of the atmosphere?
Poor form, ID4. Especially since, as a Vietnam vet, Randy Quaid probably possessed the kind of military knowledge that would have enabled the aliens to break down the defense systems and would have been a really useful abductee.
Not that I’ve thought about this extensively or anything.
All I’m saying is that Adam Baldwin should cut Randy Quaid a little slack. And then make out with me. I mean, damn.
*Roomie Rachel.
**To give a bit of scope to this analysis, Megan would like to add that the movie’s only flaw is that it has too few Mary McDonnells. Which is a valid point.
I often find myself frustrated when people misuse geek, nerd, or dork as an insult. For instance, in high school, if someone called me a geek, I’d be irritated. Given my accelerated, college prep classes and the fact that I was in the National Honor Society, I was clearly a nerd.
To aid in clearing up this often confusing tangle of word uses, here’s a venn diagram:
If I had to pick where I am, I’d like to think I’m in the middle (obsessive nerd with a penchant for gadgetry), but am more inclined to believe I’m fall somewhere between Dork and Nerd.
What are you?
edit: I take that back–if how bothered I am by the loss of picture quality from my fiddling around with this as a .jpg instead of as a .psd is any indication, I totally belong in the epicenter of this dorkdom.
